So I decided to make some paper instead of dwelling on the low frequency feeling. The energy must have been powerful because after a couple hours of paper making, a strong storm popped up. But let's talk about the storm a little later because the first point I was trying to make might get lost in the drama caused by this storm..
It was hard to shake the feeling too. Nothing is going wrong in my personal life per say but I was just struggling to fight off this nagging string of negative emotions. There are SO MANY narratives going in so many different directions. Distractions. Theatrics. Attempting to push us over and pull us apart. Not participating in the, not so subtle, destruction of our mental peace is almost enough to drive you up a wall. Some days I want to shatter like a glass over whelmed by an off frequency. It can be hard to turn off our own lies. Why does it feel like being 'real' is no longer a reality? What even is reality any more?
Many post all day about being kind to one another but hold an entirely different space depending on what mood they're pushed into by outside influence. There are an abundance of influences out here ready to possess parts of your soul. There are times I find myself questioning every thing I do at every turn. Did I say the wrong thing? Was my inflection wrong? Did I look at some one? Are they looking at me? Some days I feel so 'unstable', It's better if I don't go anywhere. BUT I LITERALLY DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS KIND OF SENSITIVITY. I also don't want to live my life this way. It feels unnatural to doubt myself so frequently and irrationally. I found myself focusing on what really matters to me in an attempt to excuse this energy from my aura. Grounding with gratitude, if you will.
And without beating a dead horse trying to describe the way I was feeling, it struck me! Inspiration! Get to work on something you need to get done. Get your hands dirty. Find my center by flowing in the process of making something. Giving some of my own trash a new life by way of paper making seemed like the proper way to silence this inaudible low frequency. Symbolically turning my mental trash into life energy and treasure! What do you know, the process helped!
Too often my face is buried in computer screens, even now, getting 'work done'. I literally have to pull myself away from the apps and websites like there's a leech on my face. It's so important to take those breaks. There's no doubt in my mind where these irking feelings of 'dread' come from. Resilience is important in these times of propaganda machines and surveillance capitalism but unplugging is the best way to heal from the 'trauma' of it all. Jumping into hands on activities will ground you in your true energies. This action will calm your mind, sooth your anxieties, and relieve stress like you can't imagine. One simple rule! No judgement. Just release!
This is what I mean when referring to Transmutation of Energy. There was something bothering me internally. (Well there were a plethora of things...) LIKE REALLY BOTHERING ME. I did not want to manifest any of these negative feelings into my world or subject those around me to them. Hell, I didn't want to be my own subject of negativity. Emotions are vulnerable to manipulation and must be self filtered so we don't say or do things we regret or can't take back. This is not to say ignore how you feel or brush them off. This is also not to defer anyone from getting help from a professional if that's necessary either. I am saying do something non-destructive with your very valid and very NORMAL human feelings. Working through how we feel is how we heal, grow, and keep our energy flowing. You can only take some many days off before you're spiraling into oblivion with all sorts of destructive ideas. Take your worry, doubt, fear, all those shit feelings and make something of them! You can turn any negative feeling into your self empowerment, your next sale, a break through moment. This is how we break our own habits that could hold us back from the evolution we desire! Or at least this is my experience with Transmutation of Energy.
Thank you for the constant inspiration Smokey Quartz.
About the Author & Artist
Megan LaCroix also known as Citrine is the daughter of a Navy Veteran. She’s lived all over the US but has roots in Michigan where her family is from. Spending summers in Northern Michigan exploring nature inspired her to create art work starting with jewelry and photography. She’d spend hours looking for rocks and creating assorted beaded jewelry with her sisters. In 2014 She graduated from University of Michigan School of Art & Design with a BFA then moved to Detroit where she is currently living and working. She is a multi-media artist with ever expanding skills but is best known for her jewelry, screen printing, photography, and paintings. Detroit Graffiti has a significant influence on her painting and drawing style. She’s participated in ArtPrize 2015 & 2021 and currently has a studio in the Village Arts Factory of Canton, MI.